Today I attended the Toastmasters Club meeting and I was the evaluator for a speaker. After the meeting a member came to me and told me, ‘hey I like your evaluation, I hope someday I could be just like you.’
Guess what, I felt as if I was floating on air.
Compliments do great things in life, however not every compliment is effective. Based on my observation, these are some of the things we might want to consider when it comes to compliments.
1. Tell the person about your feeling, not about how great the person is
Have you ever heard the following?
‘You are such a wonderful singer, I think you are by far the best singer I have ever come across.’
‘Very good, such a fantastic masterpiece, comparable to Shakespear’s’
‘You are a great speaker, keep it up!’
Well nothing wrong with those compliments, however ask yourself, if you meet Mozart today, how would you compliment him? Would you say ‘You are such a great musician! Well done!’
Or would you rather say ‘I love your music, every piece moves my heart to the core.’
Mozart has always been a great musician, that is an incontestable universal truth. Saying it again is just like saying the Earth is not a cube, as meaningless as it sounds, it does not create the impact you want. However I am sure if Mozart heard how his music touches your heart, he would be very much delighted.
Hence, add your feeling into your compliments, treat your listener as the great people like Mozart.
2. Be generous with compliments
It is really funny to see people are so much expressive when they curse and swear, but when it comes to compliments, people are more reserved. I think we should build our vocabulary to give expressive and effective compliments. I find a good list to share here to help us to be fluent with the language of compliments:
3. Be specific
That works really well on girl. For instance if you want to praise a girl how good she looks, if you tell her ‘you look fabulous today’, she might smile and thank you and forget what you mention the next second, because so many people say that to her. Your compliment becomes erasable and that is the last thing you want it to happen.
Try saying ‘blue colour matches you very well, you look very refreshed in this dress’ ‘you have very sweet smile, I like especially your dimples’ ‘you have a unique voice which draws people close to you’
Trust me, because as a girl, these are the compliments I remember.
Last but not least, be sincere. It will tell from the body language, eye contact, voice and all the subtle but yet important indication.
Hence enjoy complimenting as much as we enjoy being complimented.